WTF Email #2

For the second exciting installment of WTF Email, I submit to you, loyal reader(s): One Nation "Under God"

As with the last one, excerpts from the email are in italics.

Even the title on this one is a WTF:

One Nation "Under God",

Obviously, this is a reference to the Pledge of Allegiance, and the fact that it contains a reference to the Christian deity. An oft-forgotten fact about the Pledge is that it was changed during the Red Scare, but I digress.

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.

OHNOEZ, NOT TEH EVILUTIONZ! This should be interesting. Let's watch:

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

Umm...what? No serious discussion about evolution would begin with "God doesn't exist" The two are completely unrelated, except in the minds of the devoutly religious (and even then it is mostly confined to the loonies who babble about "intelligent design"). True, there are many researchers, scientists, teachers and professors of evolution who are atheists, but there are also a great number of people who hold religious beliefs while also accepting the theory of evolution.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.

Woohoo, here comes the hero. She's gonna set that heathen teacher straight!

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!

OMG PPL WHO DON'T BELIEVE LIKE ME ARE STOOPID LOL!

I will concede that the last argument is somewhat accurate given the context of the rest of the conversation, as long as we forget how ridiculous the rest of the conversation is. The idea that only observations made with the naked eye are valid is absurd. Forget the fact that the children could see her brain with an MRI scanner, but even then they still couldn't see any gods.

(You Go Girl!)

Yes, you go girl. Go with your self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude. If you really stick with it and refuse to believe any of that "science" witchcraft, you might be able to get through your entire public education without questioning your faith. Of course, the downside is that you won't absorb any real knowledge, and you'll play your part in perpetuating the vast circle-jerk of failure that is American's public education system.

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" II CORINTHIANS 5:7

I wonder how many people who forward these crappy emails actually take these quotes literally. I'd wager it wouldn't take long for someone's faith to cause them to stumble into a highway with their eyes squinted shut.

Don't forget to pass this on! I love this one..

I'm sure you do.

Everyone should send this to everyone they know, especially today with prayer restricted in schools.

Yeah, no. Repeat after me: there is no enormous conspiracy to persecute Christians. Student prayer is not really restricted in schools, aside from the requirement that such things do not interfere with the rest of the class. The only thing that is really frowned upon is prayer that is led by a teacher or organized by the school.

Forward if you believe in GOD!!!!

Yeah, I'll pass. There isn't anyone on my contacts list who would take this seriously. I, for one, find this mail vaguely offensive, the message behind it absurd, and the spirit in which it was written greatly insulting.


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Now playing: Bad Religion - Materialist
via FoxyTunes


The process of belief is an elixir when you're weak
I must confess, at times I indulge it on the sneak
But generally my outlook's not so bleak...

"Targeted" "Advertising"

A few months ago I created a Facebook account. This was my first, and probably will be my last, foray into social networking sites for me. I had my account for approximately one hour before becoming infuriated with the artificial constraints imposed on me, and I've since removed almost all of the "applications" that were installed - including some that were part of the original account. At least the standardized page layouts and color schemes have kept Facebook from becoming the appalling cesspool that is MySpace, at least from a design standpoint. Unfortunately the discussion board users frequently rival the YouTubers in terms of sheer idiocy.

But enough of that, that's not my biggest concern. By far the most infuriating thing about Facebook is their "targeted" advertising. The idea is that a page will be "crawled" and key words will be extracted and used to choose ads that will be displayed on the page.

For instance, the word "single" appeared on my Facebook profile, so I would constantly recieve ads in the form of:

"MEET SEXY SINGLES TODAY"
"WANT TO MEET SOME GIRLS?"
"BEST PICK UP LINES"
"VIEW PHOTOS OF SINGLES"

And despite the fact that the word "Atheist" also appears on my profile:
"HOT CHRISTIAN SINGLES"

They can't just leave it at that, they've got to rub it in:
"FEELING LONELY?"
"STILL SINGLE?"

YES, I AM FUCKING STILL SINGLE. I AM MADE PAINFULLY AWARE OF THIS FACT BY YOUR CRAPPY ADVERTISING. You know what kind of ad I want? How about one that says, "Click here for singles that aren't completely self-absorbed, abusive or clinically insane!"

So I remove "single" from my profile, and apparently it's now zeroed in on "Male" on the page, so the ads have changed:

"IT'S MILLER TIME"
"WANT A MACBOOK FOR FREE"

Seriously, guys, if scantily-clad coeds claiming to be from Walkerville couldn't tempt me into clicking your shitty ads, what makes you think a pyramid scheme promising overpriced computers is going to succeed? Unfortunately, things take a surprising turn at this point:

"MEN SEEKING MEN ONLINE"

I'm really not interested in that, either.

So, there you have it, my take on targeted advertising. I do NOT want "sexy" singles, homosexual men, pyramid schemes, shitty beer, the lowest prices on Crocs, or the same brand of tampons that Jessica Simpson uses.



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Now playing: Bad Religion - A Walk
via FoxyTunes

I'm going for a walk, not the after-dinner kind...